FOF is a real thing. In fact, this week not one, but TWO of the most competent facilitators I know admitted that they get nervous prior to stepping in front of a group of people. I was floored at these revelations because I would never have guessed. They both seem so calm, cool, and collected, so organized, so masterful.

My suspicion is that a few of you out there reading this feel similarly. And, let’s face it, certain audiences can even shake me up. So here’s a collection of ideas to help you (and me!) address your fear, push past it, and move on to the important work you are facilitating!

• Dissolve the hierarchy. What makes me most nervous is facilitating a room full of people who I think are “more important” or “more powerful” than I am. This is usually related to their job titles, but can sometimes also be attached to how well they know each other or the material. My strategies for getting past this FOF are to:
  1. Remind myself that I wouldn’t be in a position of facilitating this group if someone didn’t trust me to do it well;
  2. Introduce myself to every person in the room individually before the event starts so that I can get to know them as humans, not just as their title or who I have built them up to be; and
  3. Be transformative! Meaning, I start off the event by introducing myself and calling attention to my role as facilitator, not as master of content, experience, or their learning, and stay focused on that. If there’s a question I cannot answer, it goes onto the “Parking Lot” for later, or gets put back on the group to answer for itself. I don’t need to know everything! We’re all just humans learning togethe

• Admit your discomfort. I’m not a huge fan of over-sharing, but let’s remember that there’s a very high chance that most of the people in front of you are feeling a little uneasy themselves. Think about the last class, meeting, or workshop you attended. Did you feel comfortable from the moment you walked in the room? Let your participants know that you’ll be starting the engagement by “warming up the room,” then run an icebreaker that you participate in as well. If you want, you can even ask people to check in with themselves before you start: On a scale from 1-10, how comfortable are they feeling right now? After you run the icebreaker, ask them to rate their comfort levels again. Did they go up? Did yours go up? Own it!

• Be prepared and practiced. Make yourself a checklist of everything you will need to run your engagement, then pack your bags and boxes up the night before. Plan out each minute in detail on your Facilitator’s Agenda, then read through it a few times to internalize the flow in the days and hours beforehand. Try new strategies, but sandwich them between strategies you already feel comfortable using. Take every opportunity to get up in front of the room and facilitate, because you can’t get better if you don’t put yourself out there.

• Be yourself. I cannot stress this one enough. Don’t dress a certain way (for me, that would be in heels and makeup – two things that make me extremely uncomfortable) just because you think it will make an impression. You don’t need to prove that you are something more than or different from who you are. Like to tell dumb jokes? Tell ‘em! (I always do.) Did your favorite song just come on in your pre-workshop playlist? Dance to it! Love to sip on a smoothie in the morning? Bring it! Besides the fact that Transformative Facilitation is based on authenticity, giving yourself permission to JUST. BE. YOU. will take away a lot of the jitters that can occur when you are trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or projections of who you “should” be.   

• Ask for feedback. The truth can sometimes be painful, especially when you know something didn’t go as well as you hoped it would, but letting people know that they will have an opportunity to provide feedback on your facilitation at the end of the session is also a chance to let people know that you are continually striving to learn and grow – just as you hope they will do in the course of your time with them. Plus, people sometimes write really nice things. I save my favorites and read them to myself when I need a little “pep talk” before an engagement. My favorite to this day: “Eva can make watching paint dry a palatable experience.” Yessssssss!

• Plan the post-party. Facilitating can be stressful, especially for a new group or a long day or series of days. Plan something fun for after the engagement so that you have something to look forward to. If being around people all day is exhausting to you, plan a quiet evening at home. If there are tense or nerve-wracking moments during your facilitation, take a deep breath and remind yourself, “There’s ice cream at the end of this!” 

Have more ideas for how to address a FOF? Please let me know! I’d love more tools in this toolkit.