I love the ideas Marie Kondo shares in her book (now a Netflix show!), The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. At least, I do in theory.

I read her book while we were living in China. In China, it was an easy idea to absorb, because we had arrived there with only the allowable number of suitcases. We did not bring our five boxes of DVDs and CDs, our closets filled with favorite t-shirts from our youth, nor our piles of photo albums or books. Mostly, actually, our suitcases were filled with gifts that we planned to give to our new friends, refilling the empty suitcase space with souvenirs we knew we would collect along the way.

When I returned to the U.S. I was excited to start KonMari-ing my existence. Afterall, I had just spent a year living with more or less only the contents of a suitcase. Instead of unpacking my boxes of clothing from storage, I sorted them, only returning the items that “sparked joy” to my closet. The rest went straight to Goodwill. Same with my books, kitchenware, etc. It was a perfect time to declutter.

Until I couldn’t find a pair of dress pants. Because the unfortunate truth is that while none of my dress pants had apparently sparked joy, I still needed a pair (or five) to wear to work.

Marie Kondo is not kidding about her strategy being “life-changing.” The bigger idea in her decluttering philosophy is that by learning to unburden yourself of too many possessions, you will learn how to reconnect with what you value and to let go of that which is cluttering your life emotionally, like your bad marriage, lifeless job, or toxic friendships. It is not just about getting rid of the physical elements that are weighing you down, but ALL elements that are taking up too much space.

When we moved to China, one of the things I quickly noticed was how much free time we had. Why? Because we did not have a calendar packed with playdates, events, and obligations. Weekend days became long walks to long bus rides to accomplish a small task, like finding a bike helmet, an activity that in the States would have taken 30 minutes squashed between five or six other tasks and events. I absolutely loved all of this new-found leisure time. It was something I wanted to bring back with me to my previously hectic life in the U.S. How could I eliminate the busy-ness I had filled my life with? Would it be possible to declutter my life in this way?

As for the dress pants, was the fact that I got rid of them all a sign of something greater? I began to ponder whether it was a call to a profession that did not require the wearing of dress pants.

Thus began my gradual plotting towards a life that would allow me to wear less dress pants – and give me more free time. A far-away dream it seemed, but if I was going to experience some life-changing magic, at least I now had a goal to work towards. My year in China gave me the opportunity to feel what life COULD be like if I possessed less and did less, and I loved it.

And you know what else I love? Running workshops. For me, it truly sparks joy. Perhaps because of this, one of the things I most enjoy doing in the workshops I run is modeling my methods. Particularly when I am facilitating workshops on the topic of Facilitation (which I often do!), and people are so clearly and deeply engaged and enjoying what we are doing, I will pause to ask participants, “What did you see me do during this activity?” or “Why do you think I chose to run this activity the way it was run?” When given a few minutes to reflect, participants will come up with a laundry list of strategies and ideas for how to improve facilitation so that it is more effective, fun, and engaging. I am not just talking about Transformational Facilitation, I am living it. And not only am I living it, I am making it transparent to the people experiencing it with me. Not by telling them how to do it, but by showing them and allowing them to feel it happening. And THIS BRINGS ME JOY.

I am sure you have noticed it yourself. Think about it for a minute. Can you recall the energy and vibrancy of a room where everyone is passionate about the topic at hand? Where the person facilitating is right in the water with you? Where you feel connected to those around you and lit up with new ideas?

Why wouldn’t someone want to recreate that scenario? Because when given the tools, anyone can.

But all too often I see the person facilitating NOT modeling what it could be like. NOT walking the walk. I will never forget attending a conference where a panel of “experts” were lecturing a room packed with attendees on the the topic of “the importance of interactive engagement.” The irony was both laughable and infuriating. Really? You are going to “teach” me how to be interactive by lecturing at me from a stage?

What I find so valuable in Marie Kondo’s method is not just that she forces you to sit with an object and notice how it makes you feel, but that she takes it one step further. Not only does she offer a tool to help you reconnect with your passions (answering the question, “Does this spark joy?”), she emboldens you to trust those feelings and toss out whatever isn’t sparking joy.

So that is my Transformational Facilitation challenge for you in this post. I so often see my clients’ calendars packed with meetings that take far too long, back to back to back. In those meeting rooms I see time wasted in passionless discussions that probably don’t merit the two-hour window they’ve been given. I see the suck of energy that all of this meeting clutter has on people who are truly passionate about the causes they work for. It’s time to think about moving away from that and towards engagements that bring everyone joy.

How?

If you are a facilitator, I encourage you to start modeling. Model the transformational strategies that are in this blog, like reducing lectures and increasing air time for participants, managing meeting time, and empowering participants to take action. Make the experience interactive and joyful.

If you are someone whose calendar is packed, whose meetings and other “obligations” are withering your passion, toss those things out. Start with the low-hanging fruit; for KonMarie this is socks and underwear, for you this may be saying “no” to meetings that don’t directly relate to your job, or cutting down scheduled meetings by 30 minutes, or looking for ways to authentically connect more during those meeting times.

I am by no means a poster child for KonMarie. The books and dishes and stuffed closets are still threatening to topple me at any moment, but the deeper lesson has stuck with me. While I will continue to work to master the material manifestation of the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to use and share the Life Changing Magic of Transformational Facilitation.